Hey, tight pants, you still riding a fixie?  Get with it, bro.  It’s 2015, and that means it’s the year of the velocipede.  Sure, you already have no gears and no brakes, but it’s time to up your cycling game and go no-chain.  That’s right, with a pede, you don’t have to worry about chains slipping, snapping, or getting grease on those jeans that leave so little to the imagination.

So pull up your suspenders, wax your Civil War-era mustache, and hop onto a pede!  Get ahead of the curve that everyone was already ahead of, but will soon be behind again!